Happy Anniversary

Mama,
You and Daddy would have celebrated 36 years together this week. 36 years!! I don’t know if I should call Daddy and say something or if I should ignore it all together and let him bring it up. I don’t want it to be a sad day for him. I want it to be a good day for him. I want him to remember everything about you that made him happy and that made him love you. I want him to remember everything that made you happy and that made you love him.
I can’t imagine 36 years with someone. Hell, I can’t even imagine 36 minutes with someone. Your love didn’t jade me but gave me a standard that I know that can be reached, and I refuse to lower that standard. I hear you say to me, the right man will come along, but I think only a few people in the world are lucky enough to experience the kind of love you and Daddy had.
Happy Anniversary Mama. I know you are not here with us but I do know that you are here in spirit and that your husband loves you just as much as the day he married you.
Love,
~Shelia

The Band is Back Together

This weekend, the band got back together.

We celebrated Patrick and Jeannine’s wedding on Saturday, October 23, 2010.

It was the first time that myself, Patrick, Jeannine, Ashley & Jason, Mark, Johnny, Shappy & Lisa Marie were all together.  The last time we were all together was NYE 2007.  Pink Planes Over the Moon was born. FuckStick was born.  Rockband Battles and “can you count me in,” was born.

As Patrick prepared for his wedding, I gave him one piece of advice to get through the day.  Just breathe, have fun, and let us, your friends, celebrate you and Jeannine because the band is back.

So to Patrick and Jeannine, aka Patio-Furniture & J9, I wish you the best as Mr. & Mrs Patio-Furniture.  I’m so proud of you both and so honored I got to witness the beginning of the rest of your lives.

Mama's Voice

Over the weekend, I thought about my mom a lot.  Nothing bad, but just thinking of how she did things, what she would say, and so on.  When she passed away, I had DZL call my family’s answering machine and record the message.  It’s the only voice recording I have of her.  She left our family answering machine message in Thai so her family knew they were calling the right person.  It is one of the few things I did not loose when my iTunes decided to crash and burn.

I spent most of the weekend in iTunes recovery mode and her message popped up into the player.  Nick Da Dog’s ears perked up, he cocked his head to the side, and looked at the monitor.  I played it again for him and he looked at me with the saddest eyes.  It was like he knew her voice but it coming from a computer didn’t match what he knew of her.  He put his head back down in my lap with a sigh.  I let him know that I missed her too.

My dad sent me an email on Friday, letting me know that my mom had come to him.  He’s had trouble sleeping knowing she’s not going to be there when he wakes up and he said she came to him, put her hand on his shoulder, and he fell asleep and slept the most he’s slept since she passed because he knew, she was there when he woke up.  He also asked me to make a tattoo appointment for him because he wanted to tattoo a wedding band on his finger because he took a vow until death do you part and he wasn’t dead yet, so he was still married to the woman he so loved.  It will break my heart to talk to him on October 29th.  It would have been his and my mom’s 36 year anniversary and I know, it is not would have been, but will be his 36th year anniversary.  I’m so proud of him though.  I know his life of solitude on the road is hard because he’s out there with no one but his dog Lil’ Bear, but I also know that my mama’s voice will always carry him safely home.

This Week

I know exactly the point in the day on Monday when it said, “Let’s kick Shelia in her imaginary balls.”

It was a few minutes right after 8:30 am.

I like to get to work between 8:00 to 8:15 am since it starts at 8:30 am.  I get all the email I need downloaded, open the websites to admin, and get ready for the day.  Around 8:45, I go for coffee or hot chocolate or eat my yogurt or finish my shake.  It’s a nice calm morning...usually.

Monday was throw everything we got and see what breaks her.

Monday was a series of headaches, reschedules, miscommunications, things falling through the cracks & the wayside, and things making me wish I could just go the hell home and have a do over.

Tuesday was just as bad.  Change the schedules again.  Swallow my pride and just nod along or again, just beg for the day to end.

Wednesday, today, I was bound and determined to have a fantastic day.  By 9 am, I wanted to crawl into the fetal position and have a good cry or drink myself into a blind stupor.  I work hard to stay on top of things and when someone doesn’t read an email or follow through, I take offense to it...especially if you’re going to throw me under the bus.  I’m also only one person, covering two stations, working with a dozen different personalities/work ethics, and trying to keep about a dozen balls juggled in the air.

I have a job that isn’t normally stressful.  The stress I do sometimes feel is something I usually leave at the office or shrug it off.  This week, it’s gotten to me.  I haven’t had a raise in years and before picking up a few extra events here and there made that okay.  If I pick up an event here or there now, I’m only comped the hours for extra days off.  Which is great if I could take a day off or take a mental day.  The stress today was just freaking painful because I feel a cold coming on.  I have that tickle in my chest, the cough in my throat, the ache in my back, and the chills that putting on a sweater or turning on a heater doesn’t make go away.

Here’s the thing: I CAN’T GET SICK.

I can’t afford it.  When I go on vacation, I bust my ass for three weeks just to be able to turn off my cell phone for a week.  I then play catch up for two weeks just because I was gone a week.

More than anything, I think I’m frustrated.  I’m not Super Woman.  Every now and then, I want to be able to unchain myself from the desk and take a moment to breathe.  I’ll bust my ass any day without complaining but you gotta work with me people.  If you except 110% out of me, then I’m matching you and expecting 110% out of you.

I Can't, I Have Hockey

There is something relaxing about watching hockey in an arena.  Maybe it’s because for two hours, I can forget about anything that is outside of the arena.

I enjoy the chilly air in the arena, the heckling fans, the loving fans, the smell of stale beer and fried foods.  I like getting to a game early to watch the warm-ups too.  I love the sound of the blade cutting through the ice and the way the puck sounds as it “tinks” against the piping of a missed shot.

Today was my first game of the season (yes, pre-season) and the Charlotte Checkers lost to the Norfolk Admirals 1 to 4, but it didn’t matter because hockey is back.  NHL season starts this week and I couldn’t be happier to plant my butt on the couch and forget about the outside world for two hours.